Last year, I didn’t set up the tree and really didn’t buy into the whole Christmas Spirit vibe. Not sure if it was the stress of the year or the worry of the future or the brokenness all around.

^{My soul cries for wholeness of home and heart.}

This year, we are intentionally working towards that oh, so joyous vibe. The world is broken and can’t be fixed by accident. Hearts heal through the hard work of forgiveness. Relationships reconcile through the difficult work of repentance.  Brokenness builds up through the impossible walk of humility. Understanding the intentional work before us, we walk towards the Christmas Spirit vibe.

My man brings in the decades old boxes filled with even older memories. We set everything on our table to assess what needs mended, tossed, savored, discarded. I’m tempted to get rid of them all and buy fancy matching decorations, take advantage of those after the Day of Gratitude for Sufficiency sales. Then the tree would be Pinterest worthy or at least worthy of the Insta-world. Intentionally working at that oh, so joyous vibe.

Our hodge podge ornaments spread on the table reminds me of the confused, crazy, contemplative life I live. And of those that share it with me. After we laid ornaments, lights, and stockings out, we realized a few things.

• We didn’t want our old and tired tree. We want to replace it.
• We have a curious and adventurous kitten. Some ornaments will not survive the season.

We placed the tree in the truck bed and drove towards the sales and a thrift store. Though, we no longer wanted our old and tired tree, someone did. After dropping the tree off towards the back of the thrift store, one family, lucky at their good fortune, took it home an hour after we left it. Maybe it was uncharitable to say the tree was old and tired. Perhaps it is more accurate to say, it was time for the tree to inspire the imagination of another family and give them that oh, so joyous vibe.

We went to a store with 60% off everything Christmas. Like the holiday can be got cheap this year. We bought not one big tree – too expensive even with the sale. We bought nine little trees and a lantern looking thing. We wanted a tree for everyone in our family. Really, I want my little trees close to my heart. These silly little items aren’t my children, I know. But they will decorate my physical home the way my children adorn my life.

I put the ornaments in a sort of organized pattern on the table to help me find where their place will be in this house, our new forest. My boys went through a phase where they made decorations out of construction paper. These went to into the memory boxes. I never want to forget their ingenuity and creativity, but the paper is too big for the tiny trees. We collect ornaments from places we visit. These bring smiles when we share those good memories. There are some crazy ornaments that people gave us. I had a camel someone gave me as a child. I don’t remember who, but I think it may have come from Israel. And I broke it organizing the ornaments. It’s in the trash now and I am refusing to feel guilty over this. I’m not sure this is the right way to that oh, so joyous vibe.

I have a few fragile ornaments that were my grandparents and maybe great grandparents. I often wonder why I have these. It’s not like I am careful with things given me as I reminded myself unpacking this year’s Christmas decorations. Lord knows how many precious treasures I break, how many hearts I harm, how often I forget the soul before me for the soul inside me. Healing, reconciling, building is counter cultural. And hard.

Yet, here they are, these odd old orbs. Fragile like my own relationships and the hearts involved. I brought the lantern looking decoration and filled the fragile bulbs in it.

I know I lost my temper to at least one of my children for breaking an odd old orb years ago or more realistically several children for breaking several bulbs. I’ll blame the stress of the season, but it was simply a sinful momma overwhelmed with emotion and the weight of ancestors and life.

My grandparents don’t care about a decaying bulb of glass. Yet, here I am forever regretting ever yelling at my children for breaking the fragile things. In my yelling, I broke the fragile heart and drove a wedge in our relationship.

Let the ornaments fall and shatter. By the Grace of God, I know to hold my tongue and love those that break fragile things. Let the odd old orbs fall and shatter. By the Grace of God, I love the broken people walking this fallen world. By the Grace of God, I have experienced the healing of heart, soul, mind even though I broke fragile hearts.

And I have learned, because of the LORD’s kindness, to walk the steep path of humility. And bring hearts to a place of healing, relationships to a space of reconciling, brokenness to a time of building. With Christ, I find that oh, so joyous vibe that is so elusive in everyday life.

_{^{Please forgive me, my children, for placing value on a thing when the most valuable possession I ever held was you.}}

Looking at my lantern of orbs, I wonder what Christmases these witnessed. Did my ancestors ever lose their temper? Did they ever hold their crying child close and apologize? Honestly, I hope they did. As parents, we need to lead in the repenting, in the forgiving, in the reconciling. We need to be the ones to daily feel the oh, so joyous vibe this season reminds us of. To daily give up of ourselves for the other hurting souls and lean deep on the One who fills us with the hesed of God.

The fact that these fragile odd old orbs still exist through the years of dropping at least one each Christmas is a miracle, like life and relationships. I doubt that my grandchildren or great grandchildren will have them to wonder about me. I do hope that they somehow know that their Grandmomma loved people more than things, cried over hurting, precious hearts, and held her babies close for as long as possible. I hope I can help them share in this oh, so joyous vibe this season brings.

I carefully placed the lantern looking decoration on a table where the kitten can reach. All the decorations are where the kitten can reach because she hasn’t found an area she can’t reach. Only areas she can’t reach… yet. Something will break or be chewed up. We will be sad if it is a favorite ornament. We will sigh and sweep it up. We may even wonder at the history of the object. But no hearts will be harmed. And we will intentionally work on savoring this oh, so joyous vibe Christmas brings. And we will fail; each one of us. This walk is not easy.

The odd old orbs are just things. Not relationships. Not ancestral holdings of history. The thing doesn’t matter. If they break, they break and get swept away and taken to the dump.

If a relationship breaks, it doesn’t get swept away. People are not expendable. They are eternal souls that hurt and cry and desire.

^{Ornaments are temporal. Relationships are eternal.
Decorations are material. Souls are immortal.
Baubles are breakable. People are redeemable.}

Of all seasons, this one, with the oh, so joyous vibe, places a high value on life and relationships.

All because a babe born to be broken for people squandering precious souls, including their own. All because a God holds hearts more valuable than objects, than obeisance, than oblations.

^{All because a Redeemer whose love is deeper than sin.}

If you liked this, try this post: A Christmas Joke. It is a favourite of mine.